When was the last time you felt genuinely happy with your partner?
Do you feel more stressed or more at peace in your relationship?
Today, Jay dives into one of the most draining patterns in relationships: trying to change someone who isn’t ready to change. Whether it’s a partner, friend, or family member, we often convince ourselves that if we just love harder, give more, or push in the right way, they’ll finally become the version of themselves we know they could be. Jay reminds us, people don’t change because of our hopes, our timelines, or our pain, they change when they’re ready and when the cost of staying the same finally outweighs the cost of growth.
Jay dives into the psychology of why we hold on to someone’s potential, even when their actions show otherwise, often rooted in our own unmet needs or fear of being alone. He reminds us that the clearest way to see reality is to believe what people do, not what they say, and that patterns, not promises, reveal who someone truly is right now. Jay also challenges the belief that trying to change someone is an act of love, showing how it’s more often a form of control that keeps us from confronting our own discomfort.
You’ll learn how to practice radical acceptance, not as giving up, but as an act of respect for yourself and the other person. Jay reveals why the most loving choice is sometimes to step back or let go entirely, showing that real change only happens in environments of shared commitment, not through pressure, persuasion, or endless patience.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How to Stop Falling for Someone’s Potential
How to See Patterns Instead of Promises
How to Practice Radical Acceptance Without Lowering Your Standards
How to Tell the Difference Between Love and Control
How to Let Go Without Losing Compassion
No matter where you are in your relationship journey, remember: you’re not here to be someone’s savior. You’re here to love them as they are, or love yourself enough to walk away.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here.
Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast
What We Discuss:
00:00 Introduction
01:08 Can You Really Change Someone?
01:55 Patterns Tell You More Than Words Ever Will
03:35 The Illusion Of Potential
06:45 Actions Over Words
09:39 Control Isn’t Love!
12:32 The Hardest Form of Love: Radical Acceptance
18:01 Only They Can Choose to Change
21:32 Priorities Vs Preferences
Episode Resources:
https://www.instagram.com/jayshetty
https://www.facebook.com/jayshetty/
https://x.com/jayshetty
https://www.linkedin.com/in/shettyjay/
https://www.youtube.com/@JayShettyPodcast
http://jayshetty.me
