Terry Real is a therapist and best-selling author expert on male emotional health and how men can build the skills for healthy relating to others: in relationships, work, friendships and to themselves. We discuss how mixed and ever-changing messages about what masculinity is are impacting the mental and physical health of men and boys. Terry explains how learning the skill of "relationality" leads to improvements in all aspects of boys’ and men’s lives and shares practical tools for how to do that. We also discuss the essential role of having a close male community to build confidence and self-esteem. This conversation offers actionable guidance for boys, men and women seeking to build healthier relationships with themselves and others.
Episode show notes: https://go.hubermanlab.com/NqaGZF0
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*Terry Real*
Website: https://terryreal.com
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*Timestamps*
00:00:00 Terry Real
00:02:53 Men & Masculinity, Political vs Psychological Patriarchy, Feminism
00:07:39 Stoicism, Vulnerability, Traditional Masculinity, Emotions
00:10:50 Sponsors: BetterHelp & David
00:13:14 Masculinity Across Decades, Giving; Gratification vs Relational Joy
00:21:54 Healthy Emotional Expression, Connection & Vulnerability; Self-Esteem
00:31:17 Feeling Emotions, Tools: Asking For Help; Fights & “What Do You Need?”
00:35:10 Self-Esteem & Relationship Accountability; Criticism, Redefining Strength
00:40:47 Sponsor: AG1
00:42:32 Healthy Criticism, Tool: Women & Articulating Needs
00:50:21 Childlike Behavior, Wise Adult & Trauma, Tool: Relational Mindfulness
00:58:11 Tool: Responsible Distance Taking; Self-Interest; Relationship “Biosphere”
01:08:14 Alcohol, Men & Friends, Loneliness, Men’s Retreat
01:17:51 Fraternities, Men’s Groups, Tool: Relationship vs Individual Support
01:25:39 Sponsor: Function
01:27:27 Lack of Male Friends, Hiking, Community, Teaching Young Men
01:36:11 Cannabis, Alcohol, Young Men & Purpose, Flexibility & Manliness
01:40:40 Work, Life Purpose & Men; Skillful Warriors
01:45:01 Absent Fathers; Early Childhood & Proper Nurturing; Caretaking
01:53:24 Sponsor: Waking Up
01:54:47 Women & Speaking Relationally, Objectivity Battle
01:59:02 Addiction & Disconnection, 12-Step Meetings & Fellowship
02:08:04 Pornography, Internet, Intensity vs Intimacy; Optimization
02:11:57 Tool: Families & Hanging Out; Relational Joy; Relational Recovery
02:22:29 Giving Criticism, Tools: Make Requests; Feedback Wheel
02:28:21 Gratitude, Aging; Skillful Fighting in Relationship & Repair
02:34:17 Men & Self-Esteem, Mentors, Tool: Inner Dialogue without Harshness
02:44:00 Y Chromosome, Wholeness
02:48:00 Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify & Apple Follow, Reviews & Feedback, Sponsors, Protocols Book, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter
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