You didn’t attract a narcissist because you were weak. You attracted one because you were attractive to them; your warmth, your praise, your status.
In this clip, Dr. Ramani and Jay Shetty take apart the idea that the people who end up in these relationships are shrinking violets with low self-esteem. Most of them were strong, well put together, and got dismantled brick by brick anyway.
Dr. Ramani explains why she’d scrap the narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis entirely, what the "volcano" underneath the arrogance is really made of, and why the empathy that kept you stuck is the last thing you should cut out of yourself.
Learn about the point where love bombing turns into a trauma bond, why forgiveness isn’t required to heal, and the one question about pizza she asks clients who’ve lost all sense of what they want.
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Chapters
0:00 — Narcissism vs. narcissistic personality disorder
1:12 — Why she’d get rid of the diagnosis
2:12 — Narcissistic people make history
3:46 — You attracted them because you’re attractive
4:54 — The volcano and the lava underneath
6:51 — Love bombing and what the attention was for
7:33 — Ten good things, one bad thing
8:29 — The discard and the hoovering
11:06 — What these relationships do to you
12:50 — Why forgiveness isn’t required to heal
15:45 — Radical acceptance, defined
17:57 — The grief that comes like a tsunami
18:47 — What do you want on your pizza?
21:50 — The 90/10 inversion
25:28 — Can a narcissistic person actually heal?
28:22 — Waiting for a submarine at a bus stop
Watch the FULL episode on Netflix & Spotify 🎙️
Netflix – https://dub.sh/QaUsKeD
Spotify – https://dub.sh/axUXylv
Full Episode With Esther Perel:
Episode Resources:
https://www.instagram.com/doctorramani
https://www.youtube.com/@DoctorRamani
@doctorramani
https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-You-Identifying-Narcissistic/dp/B0C6YLS58Y/ref=sr_1_1?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.HJEpLWKsXDnwDHKZr9n1aKiE2JfDlh6-9lhQndztDOf9FEHLUzqfHuT69u0QCphE.moPyk2E04d66f48E4UVYEqMO7SGmM4_t8778NRuW2IQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=Ramani+Durvasula+PhD&qid=1709045002&s=audible&sr=1-1
