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Your husband being unimpressed with your work isn’t neutral. It’s the whole ceiling on what you become.
Angela Duckworth, the psychologist who made “grit” a household word, sat down with Lewis and confessed something her research almost missed. Effort alone doesn’t build a great life. The situation you’re in does, and no one shapes that situation more than the person you marry. She traces it back to her own mother, a gifted painter who gave up her art for fifty years married to a man who walked past her paintings without a word.
Then Angela goes further, into a marriage crisis she and her husband Jason never talked about publicly. Both of them were try-harder people who worked themselves into misery during the 2008 crash, until Angela told him on a walk that she cried every night and didn’t want to be married anymore. What saved them wasn’t more grit. It was therapy, three therapists between two people, and a willingness to change the situation instead of just pushing through it.
Lewis matches her story with his own, requiring therapy before he’d even commit to dating Martha, because every past relationship had only gone to therapy once it was already collapsing. Angela ties it back to the Pygmalion effect. Your confidence is borrowed from the people who believe in you before you believe in yourself.
By the end you’ll want to look around at your own life and ask who’s actually bringing out your best. Angela’s mother didn’t paint again until her husband died. Now, at 91, she paints every day.
Situated: Find the People and Places That Bring Out Your Best https://amzn.to/3TXAq3k
Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance https://amzn.to/3UtXGGk
Angela’s Instagram https://www.instagram.com/angelalduckworth/?hl=en
Angela’s LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/angeladuckworth/
Angela’s Facebook https://www.facebook.com/angeladuckworthgrit/
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00:00 – Intro
02:42 – The Power of Environment
06:14 – Partners Impact Your Success
13:58 – Angela’s Marriage Crisis
21:55 – Why Therapy Changed Everything
26:14 – The 3 Boxes of Psychology
30:34 – Therapy on Day One
34:44 – Threats to Successful Relationships
46:40 – The Cost of Unsupportive Partners
53:50 – Why Confidence is Borrowed
01:01:21 – Psychology of Placebos & Prayer
01:05:21 – Angela’s Three Truths
01:06:21 – Advice to a 22-Year-Old
01:09:03 – True Definition of Greatness
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